Categories
Life

Friendshipping Steroids

It’s weird to have a spectrum disorder be the glue that binds us together with strangers. So much of the time we rely on hobbies, or sports teams, or favorite Netflix Originals to bridge the gap between small talk and budding friendships. But we almost never think about the possibility that pain, or hardship, or […]

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Life

That Time I Got Banned From 7-Eleven

As far as I know I’m the only person on the planet to ever be banned from a 7-Eleven. Granted, it was only from one location and not the entire chain, but still, I was genuinely asked by a 7-Eleven franchisee to never return to their establishment again. To this day I don’t believe I […]

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Life

Mother’s Day at Walmart

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Walmart SuperCenter between the hours of 2 and 5am but I’d never recommend it. It’s like FEMA has come though with their latest round of supplies since the most recent disaster. Aisles are littered with pallets of Great Value™ baked goods and whatever horrible sauce concoction […]

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Life

The 16 Step Process for Updating a WordPress Theme

I get twitter DMs pretty regularly with people asking for help with various things on their WordPress sites. They range from “will you rebuild my site for free?” to “I need a few little things done and I’m happy to pay you.“ Sometimes it’s simply that their website has an error and they aren’t sure […]

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Life

Sweet Baby James

It was a Monday like any other except for this time without caffeine. We only had one Diet Pepsi left in the fridge and when I slogged down the stairs to my office at 4:00am I decided I’d put in my official application for Husband of the Year 2019 and forego my morning ritual so […]

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Life

For Jackie: 14 Years

I still remember the day you broke down in a mess of tears because your flat iron wasn’t working. After a short nine months of marriage I remember thinking to myself “What is happening? Did I already break my wife? Am I being punked?” (Ashton Kutcher’s show was popular at the time) And then I […]

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Comedy Life

I Neutered My Macbook

Crunch. Whirrrrr. Crunch. Whirrrr. Crunch. Whirrrrrr. I know you’ve all heard gears grind before, right? It’s actually been proven that sound is worse than Lloyd Christmas’ most annoying sound in the world. It’s really truly awful. That was the sound I heard as I put down the foot rest on our reclining couch last night. […]

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Life

Letting Myself Off The Hook

This is the year I’m finally going to do it. That’s been the mantra of every single year since I very first thought about self-improvement and had the smallest desire to make myself better. Whether it’s losing weight, writing more, doing more community service, etc., every April I end up in a similar place. No […]