A large platter will hold a surprising amount of vomit. Like, at first you’d think it’s going to automatically spill over the edges, but when… Read More »On Slowing Down

I was walking down the street near my home on an evening stroll, when a chiseled specimen came toward me from the opposite direction. He… Read More »The Fist Bump 👊

As far as I know I’m the only person on the planet to ever be banned from a 7-Eleven. Granted, it was only from one… Read More »That Time I Got Banned From 7-Eleven

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Walmart SuperCenter between the hours of 2 and 5am but I’d never recommend it. It’s like… Read More »Mother’s Day at Walmart

Crunch. Whirrrrr. Crunch. Whirrrr. Crunch. Whirrrrrr. I know you’ve all heard gears grind before, right? It’s actually been proven that sound is worse than Lloyd… Read More »I Neutered My Macbook

This is the year I’m finally going to do it. That’s been the mantra of every single year since I very first thought about self-improvement… Read More »Letting Myself Off The Hook

I still remember the intent look in his eyes. This was serious. We paused at the crest of a hill, looking down the embankment and… Read More »I Need You To Gun It